Deep

The more I explore issues of my addiction, the more I circle back to the strangle-hold that anxiety has on my life.  I never stopped to think that my behavior and thinking patterns were a result of something that was not 100% in my control.  I never stopped to think that other people don’t think […]

Crash and Burn. 5a

I blew it.  Sort of. I drank wine Sat. night.  I wanted it.  I thought I would be in control.  And I was… as much as a kid is in a candy store.  I was filled with a hysteria of excitement and anticipation; a sense of rebirth and awakening.  I felt like me… the me that […]

Seventeen

Have you ever noticed that middle-aged women are rarely the center of any light-humored novels? There is no “Bridget Jones: Married and Magnificent”. There is no “Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair, Part 2: Recovered, Remarried and Denouncing Dander”. No. Middle-aged women seem to be relegated to the brooding, unhappy and looking-to-be-a-home-wrecker type of […]

Sixteen

I have never been an overly-emotional human being.  I used to pride myself on being able to keep a dry eye in the face of overwhelming bullshit.  I was weirdly proud of that.  It seemed like a badge of strength that I secretly wore.  It was my superhero power. Ms. Steelnerves. At least I used […]

Ten

Here is a typical drinking scenario for me: If it is a really good day, girl goes to bar for happy hour to discuss some type of work related topic.  Girl has between 1 and around 2 (alcoholics are the opposite of fishermen… we round down…) glasses of wine and then drives home.  The drive […]

Nine

Ok.  I made it to nine.  I made it through a WHOLE weekend, including an 11 year old birthday party at a hotel with six kids (including the minister’s daughter which seems way, way more stressful than it should be).  I thought A LOT about drinking. Chardonnay.  Please?  Really.  I am serious.  I need/want/can’t possibly […]

5 Alive

Anger. It is an interesting emotion.  Sure, I can rage with the best of them after too many glasses of magic mouth laxative, but half the time I can’t remember what I actually said or if I really meant it.  True, thought out, justifiable anger… that’s one of those emotions that leaves me paralyzed, inarticulate and […]